It’s a theme of struggle in my life… Having endless stories bubbling forth, the desire to document the feelings and moments so ephemeral into concrete ideas to be shared in open communication, so easily understood that the masses even get the moral of the story, the feeling ushered into the moments around reading what I write and output to be absorbed. Yet, for all of my eloquence, I stumble over my words, listening and the cultivation of a longer pause, allowing what was said to process and what was processed to be understood and become more…
I deleted the fb app off my phone. Still have messenger… But this call to detach and step into a different perspective brings me into the fold of the mundane seeming moment as the sacred manifestation of life. It’s the moments that stick with us… The smells, the tastes, the tingle of smiling watching my Momma dance in the kitchen… Peeking my nose over the edge of the pan my father was cooking and the smells! Oh the smells! The taste of my little sister’s forehead as a little infant… I swore I never knew sweat could be so sweet… The lines of her head. The creases around the eyes of those I love, crinkling with laughter and shared humor. These flickers of connection do not exsist in cyber space… Not really. But none the less, the presence we hold in the interwebs is real… To brush off what exists because it doesn’t trigger those visceral reactions… Well… That’s just more of human compartmentalized actions to numb pain. We seem connected… But do you feel seen? Do you feel like you are known? Do you let yourself be known? Or is the fear of being misconstrued nawing at the edges of your heart as it does to mine?
I cannot avoid seeing the beautiful in everything of this world… I too long ago embraced the perfection of it all being beyond what my short lifetime will ever be able to fathom… Yet, I know with utter certainty… Everything is perfect. Especially the pain and the suffering… For who is the most gorgeous soul other than those who have suffered endlessly and rose from that pain embued with that element of untouchable grace and compassion and LOVE for all…?
Long ago I realized the shallowness of those who have not suffered… Maybe that is where my path emerged from? The need to suffer to understand human suffering to help us all acknowledge it for the gift it is. All shadows are servants of the light. All shadows are there to bequeath a gift. All of them. It is all love. We are all one. Pain and ecstasy bring us together… For really they are one, two interpretations of one coin aimed to drive the force of human evolution… <3