quick shift of mind check. my inhaling, exhaling rhythmic entwined.
light shudders along the lines connecting us all, we strum. droll of consequence, our experience of existing hangs shackled to form- or does it? Is this form as free forming as the ascended suggest? Just with the play of the illusion of time-lapse?
Our tongues, our thoughts holding hostage our natural born rewards- simply for existing, simply for showing up, being here, now?
When the flavors of silence grow to taste of white noise, the shattering of experience is ever-blooming, each moment unfurling surrendering within us all.
Frustration batters at my willingness to expose myself anymore. I remember when I let these echos of loneliness smatter at my in my childhood and teens. The internal dialogue that questioned my worth, my part in the flow of everything that is.
Brilliance is called forth with consistency and effort til effort seems effortless. Genius simply happens when the flow is embraced. This feels a dance of the polarization of opposites when I juxtapose these words, as if sensations in my body.
Ugh, I feel the lapping of the wave of nausea that is my splashing internal ocean these days. My body is experiencing the literal miracle that is many miracles that create and bring a new life into this world. And let me tell you how humbled and in awe I am at the perpetuation of the human race. I know I’m not going to die… But jeeze if I could only feel normal and get a night’s sleep and a good day of feeling good.
The fastidious nature of my sickness floods to the every moment of my experience of the flow of day in and day out. Once I was a night owl, these days I find myself struggling by 9, out like a light most nights by 1030, 11. It’s as if my system underwent a rewire and upgrade and my conscious mind is still figuring out that I have the software installed at all.
OR maybe something was activated within me. Who knows. Maybe it’s this little one growing inside of me hustling in these changes that are needed in it’s incubation environment. All I know is daily I am amazed at my body and all the sensations I feel, the range of emotions I am forced to embrace and accept–
I feel can feel the pulse of the heartbeat. I hear it in the pounding of my ears. I feel it synchronized with the cycling of my blood and my own pumping heart. I speak to him or her or them all the time. In my mind, aloud- even if it’s just a feeling we are sharing, we are sharing already- this I sense with such profound awareness, I cannot bring myself to doubt it, not even a little bit.
The Knowing in my life has increased with such force. The acceptance, the stepping back. I have surrendered deeper into my silence, my stillness, the embrace of miracles- in many ways because there remains no other choice, literally. I live surrendered into the embrace of the infinite expressions that embody the daily living moment to moment in the belief that all is in divine order, all is as it needs to be, all will be as it is called to be- embrace, surrender in faith- put forth effort only in offerings of faith in the highest service that lives in the blossoming of the open heart as a infinite siddihic body expression of expanding stillness- life.